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Joke Archive > Still More One Liners

Still More One Liners

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…

There are 3 kinds of people: Those who count & those who can't.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.

Hard work is a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.